Merry Christmas!?.

Christmas has always been a very special season for me... not just because i get to send myself into shopping sprees, or the gifts given and taken but also because it never fails to remind me that this season is the reason for our relatives to reunite which doesn't happen on the other normal/not-so-normal days of the year. when i was a kid, my mom would usually bring us to the province to spend christmas and new year there, those years have always been special and somewhat magical for me,never really knew how in the world the whole Castro clan get to know each other's names and happenings for the year that had passed when we barely see everyone around until Christmas, and text messaging not available for those happy times. Christmas was the most anticipated time of the year for us cousins, because back then, we would form groups for dancing and singing then soon will be the awaiting of special awards to those who've prepared better or who perfomed and brought the house down. Those were the days of AQUA, Backstreet Boys, Donna Cruz and the craziest, (for a lack of a better term)groups around. Soon after, us kids (back then) would go to our richest tito's and tita's trying to be impressive on our own *sneaky ways, for aguinaldos were like greater medals than praises for us back then.

As I go back the golden lane, I can't help but smile about them but whenever I remember how my Tita Carmen would cry alone, unnoticed for the lost of her 2 sons, sadness and pity fills my happy heart. She lost both of them days or months before Christmas, gifts she would never appreciate even as years go by. We would mourn silently, and unknown to her and with her, they were special kids. Jj and JR.Two of the most handsome kids in the family, talented, very happy kids. I never knew what God's reasons of taking them from us were, specially from their Mom, but as they have always said, (our elders) they've gone to a better place and God has His own special reason from taking them away.

Now, we had another death in the family, this time my Tita Baby's son, this is years after those very happy years of reunions. It was a sad rendezvous for all of us, the most of us were there, but not with our happy anticipations and expectations on meeting in such a bitter end.Not anticipating anymore on the Aguinaldos the richest tito /tita would give, dances and songs not as happy as before but more like a hollow chant of mourning. Kuya Arby has always been a great kid, never too loud, and has always been welcoming in his quiet way. It's too bad being there at that exact moment, days before Christmas, unable to have helped him when he was living in his rocky predicaments. But there are a lot of things,i know, were certain and known for almost everyone there. Times have changed, for reasons mostly given but never too acceptable, everyone has been very busy with their own lives not to take any efforts to be with each other anymore. The usual Christmas reunions have gone and it was rueful to finally meet up with relatives on such a given situation. Almost everyone would share how they regret not being there for Kuya Arby, I was but that wouldn't change the fact that most of us weren't. This could have been the saddest Christmas, but it will be unwise reliving the same mistakes, most of us cousins have committed to stay in touch before I went back here in Manila, hopefully everyone would. Ending, it was still a memorable reunion, and just today, I received greetings from the cousins I have long waited to share the Christmas spirit with.

Christmas still is a gratifying season in spite of the things that have happened. I just wish that where ever my cousin is, He's happy that there are good things and bondings that came about from us mourning for Him. To my cousins, Have a very Merry Christmas, to everyone too, make sure time's well spent with your loveones this Christmas. After all, you can always make everyday your Christmas day.

contract of "NOW"

is it safe to say that nothing's to last unchanged? should we always expect things to work out the other way as we expect it? can we really be the most prepared when shit happens?

life is a series of unexpected turn of events, and nothing's too sure but that moment called "NOW". The "now"friend you have, the "now" person who always make you smile, the"now"family you share your salaries with,the"now"feeling that you feel will always be what would matter in life, in its most uncertainty.

It is but fair to be the best you can be in every "NOW" moment you would have, both fair to you and to that "NOW" special someone you share your present with.things will certainly happen, as inevitable as they are meant to be. hardships and trials would always be what would make our life stories spicy, bitter and sweet. we will always be given different opinions and here-says by the "NOW"friends who love us, but holding back isn't the only way out. Smile freely, Love deeply and Smell the flowers because the past already brought us the lessons that we ought to learned and the future is never sure to come.

So in this special day, i won't make you, (you know who you are) promise to love me forever or as long as you can, but just asking you to forget, (if you can) everything about your past, and worrying about your future, for what only matters is that promise that as long as we're together and it's the "NOW" us who exist, we will love each other the best we can.

D.S..

Sinking
SInking in oblivion
Unwanted thoughts, undeciphered rhymes
Im shaken, though no one seems to notice
I have a few
But your understanding is what I value most
Help me out
Let yourself sink in
For when you dive, we both surface


I hunger for air
Yours seem to scarce as well
Now Im sinking, sinking more than ever
Don't let me drown
I hope you get to reach me before someone else do
I'd like to reach the shore with you


Drowning... Help me.
Don't try to make sense of all the other river
It's this river that I'm sinking in
Help me
You're the only one who can save me
Will you take me?

Nearer is Farther

Two autumn leaves
On the verge of falling from two different trees
Hanging on the tip of comfort,One fell
The first autumn leaf went elsewhere
The other stayed
Until the first leaf was blown by the wind to the other
They held their gazes

Autumn leaves so unlike
The other held tight but the first one sticks with might
Until the other leaf fell, abruptly yet prepared
Until they were together gliding in the spring open

Two autumn leaves falling together
Until the first fallen angel twist on to the other side
The other was left lonely, yet sure of the other's return
The first leaf was blown back on its own accord and was then learnt

Learnt from the different rumbling noises of the clouds
The first leaf knew life without the other is not due
So it wished to come back
And back the other waited

They were together again falling in the same north and east winds
Until the south winds blew
The first fallen leaf shivered
The domicile it once knew's no more

The other left fallen wept in its companion's crest fall
It held the first leaf's hands
The last fallen leaf tried to give the other sunlight
While the other doesn't stop in his crying

The two leaves still are struggling
But the two, together are smiling
Crying
Laughing
and fearing
But they are content
For in whatever they do,
wherever the winds blow them
They have their trees, their waters and each other.

wyrd

cold sweating..

feverish...

toes fidgety...

sitting with bugged ass..

help me..

or not...

must love hogs... (lol)

i have this theory that the universe
makes your heart expands after suffering from pain... making your heart bigger,
and
each time you suffer pain, your heart grows larger... pain is good,
it
makes you
better, it takes you out to a world of more wonder, of
greater
happines...- john
cusack, must love dogs...

no you're not mistaken, read on... this blog's inspired by the movie i watched last night, the movie that kept me up most of last night, that i slept at work (lol)who doesn't? .. anyway, im not blogging here to talk about my snoozing sessions at work, but to blurp all the realizations i've come up to after watching the movie, (wudelse?)must love dogs...made it must love hogs, since i fell in love with how chrys more fondly call a pig, but i know the rabbit's not a pig or a hog. we're just not meant to be.. anyway.. i've learned a lot from that experience so i don't think its proper to be all bitter like a drooling okra. (haha)wat else would drool and be bitter like an okra?anyway , here they are:

-first, pain is good sometimes, when you suffer from pain, your heart grows bigger, i know there isn't any scientific conclusion on this, but who cares, if one has thought about it, it must be possible, i just came from a series of painful events, i should have a very big heart by now, but i'm not rushing things up, it might bruise me more in the process which leads me to my second conclusion

-don't rush things up, desperation is the key to more frustrations, well, i made that up but i think it's true... i've been very desperate and it grew quite pretty obvious and blew up right to my face afterwards. i hope not to get that desperate and impulsive again in the future, because of being desperate i scared that person i really cared about to bits, must've scared the wits out of the rabbit's hair. anyway, the rabbit's found a farmer, we'll the farmer's got carrots and that's just fine. i hope.. Going forward i've my third lesson coming right up.

-sometimes its not you who's a mess, it could be them as well. don't beat yourself up that much when things get out of hand. give yourself a little more credit, i bet when things get impossible , it's not all your fault,it might not be your fault at all,or the other way around but just remember you're a great person, no living being's born without imperfection, but hell,mistakes make a person a better one, which also concludes that the other person, that one you care about the most, could make their own sets of mistake commission, for a lack of a better term... . forgive, but not forget. always learn your lesson, go on, on to the next one, or better yet, rest for a while, then go to the next one (lol).

-you're a wonderful person who needs just a little bit of making over ... don't ever take that off your mind, if one left you, or didn't like you at all, it's not because your ugly, or your fat, or greasy... maybe you are, but then again, if you are, try to work things out in such a way that you'll feel better about yourself,not to make anyone else feel better. love yourself, when all else fail, you've no one to deal with but yourself, at least when you're sad, you can look at yourself straight in the mirror and still be happy with what it makes you see.. but this is not to mislead you into transforming yourself into a vanity monster, as i've said a little making over won't hurt, but anything that's too much would. remember: pretty is in the eye of the beholder, but beauty is within the soul - (nip/tuck, thanks eric for the correction!)

-another thing, don't just settle for the next one who comes along, it might turn out an even worse nightmare to begin with, plus it would both be unfair for both of you. when you've been scarred really deep from the last heartache, try to heal it for a while, time's the best healer at times with your faith that everything's gonna be alright, but don't overdo it.. date around, just dont commit again for the sake of not being alone, sometimes we need to be lonely to feel more complete when the right one comes along.

-lastly, have faith in love. not all men/women are losers. again, we all have our own sets of imperfection, which makes the search or life more exciting. who knows, you've got to be hurt, be left alone and forlon for now to realize in the future that you needed to get hurt to be able to tell a success story, a happy ending, and retell a serendipituous tale over and over again.

-don't you just love it when i'm this optimistic... life's too short to always be cynic. stay happy guys! and if you're not, just try it.

drugged

"The best cure to pain is sometimes the cause itself."



I quoted the above cliche for a reason that is very comprehensible without a need for further explanation. Yes, I am in pain and the last thing I need right now is the cause itself. I've already thought it over for a couple of times, and arrived to a lot of contradicting soulutions, but this time I think,it really is final,I should really stop the consumption not because I've decided not to take the pill that the cliche said I need but because it already arrived to its final moment... the medicine prescribe has already expired or should i say, the last supply of this drug has already been taken.


Now, I don't know where else to start. I am already drawn to this piece that I don't know if there's any other same generic that would help me heal and would pull me from the dependence.

What I do know is that the specialists who gave their first opinions would blame me for not listening to them when they've been honking me to stop taking this med, but I should say I have no regrets, I'm just plain hooked, dependent.

I know i will get through this, but a sniff or a glimpse of this drug shouldn't be that bad, at least until I'd be prescribed with a better brand.




Froggy's out of drugs for now.